Joke's On You
by GlitterFrog
Summary: Actors enduring long, frustrating rehearsals can only handle so much before they start to get giddy.
1. Joke's on You

Joke's On You

The filming of Corpse Bride has been going on for what seems like FOREVER. Today's latest take has been particularly trying. As the crew tries to pull together a performance of Remains of the Day for the ELEVENTH TIME in an hour and a half, Bonejangles assumes his position under Emily's dress and whispers to her, "Pssst. Wanna hear a joke?" Emily knows better than to break character right before a scene, but she's sick of getting made up and cooked under hot lights and being made to work with extras that can never remember half their stinking lines, let alone their entrance cues or what they're supposed to be doing with their hands and the physical placement of their bodies half the time. So she whispers back after making sure that no one is looking. "Sure." Her friend cranes up so he's about half a foot from her ear and uses his hoarsest stage whisper: "VICTOR'S HAIR."

Emily slaps both hands over her mouth but snorts so loudly that she honks Maggot out of what remains of her nose. She proceeds to laugh so hard that she bends in half and pounds on the nearest solid surface- Bonejangles's skull- for the next twenty-two minutes. Victor folds his arms. "Hey now!" From backstage, Victoria giggles. As more of the sleep-deprived, easily-amused cast breaks down hooting and snorting, Tim Burton throws down his clipboard and violently shoots out of his folding chair. "Dagnabbit! Film isn't free, you know!"


	2. Facepalm

A/N: So, this is for Corpsegirl93, VirtualCookies4Everyone, and a lovely Guest. All three of you requested more please! Without you, this would have been a oneshot. These next installments are all for you. Are they enjoyable? Lame? Let me know! Hope you enjoy, lambs.

Facepalm

Victoria is seated in front of her mirror as Hildegarde fusses with her corset strings. Her mother raises her submarine sandwich-sized chin and squawks, "Get those corsets laced properly- I can hear you speak without gasping!" Wincing in sympathy for her young charge, the elderly maid reluctantly obeys. As the strings pull yet tighter, a tiny but most definitely audible pop of flatulence escapes from under Victoria's skirts. Victoria thunks her flaming pink face down onto her dresser as Hildegarde and several mike technicians break down laughing. Mrs. Everglot sighs gustily and wags her repulsive head while facepalming.

(yeah, that was a cheap laugh, I know, but it wouldn't leave me alone. )


	3. Poor Victor

Poor Victor..

In between takes, Victoria is being made up and having her bun re-moussed. Hildegarde, not needed for the moment, is staving off boredom by keeping Victor company. She is trying to teach him a rhythmic hand-slapping game. He is not faring well despite his best efforts, occasionally slapping out at empty air or pawing at Hildegarde's sleeves. Upon the eleventh attempt, the elderly maid sighs in exasperation and waves Victor's hands away. "Aaaaaaah, forget it, Victor..you could never be a woman." As she lurches to her feet and hobbles off for a quick sip of water before her scene, Victor stares uncertainly off to his right. "O—kay?"


	4. A Tear to Shed(Or Not)

A Tear to Shed…Or Not

A/N: At this point, I'm thinking maybe I should have called this 'Joke's on You, Tim'. Poor guy.

Emily is getting quite into 'A Tear to Shed'. But it's an intense song feels-wise, and performing it repeatedly is hard on her because she's already a very emotional person. It gets to the point where she's driven to tears in between takes, and the post-performance funk follows her after Tim's ready to practice less tragic numbers. Sometimes she has to fake smiles or stumble half-heartedly through funny lines in later scenes. She's not a complainer, but her friends are getting worried for her.

While a few of the technicians are adjusting the lights for a run-through of said song, and Emily is in her coffin bed bracing herself for the next take, Black Widow and Maggot peek over the edge of the bed. Widow slowly holds up a marshmallow, and Maggot curls his tail around it. He then flicks his tail. The marshmallow boops Emily on the nose and rolls down her cheek. She opens one eye, disoriented, and lifts her head, looking for the source of the disturbance. When the blue bride holds up the marshmallow, she looks pretty confused. Another marshmallow bounces off the rip in her forehead. Emily sees the two tittering creepy-crawlies and sighs.

"What're you up to?" "Broughtcha a little snack," Widow chirps. "We know they're your favorite." Maggot adds. Emily sighs and eats one. "Thank you- that's really very sweet of you. Still, you could've just handed-" A third donks her in the forehead. She rolls her eyes back to face the two invertebrates slowly. "I am supposed to be depressed right now." Without breaking eye contact or losing his innocent smile, Maggot flicks yet another marshmallow. Emily's teeth bare in a grin. "Oh, you asked for it."

Tim pokes his head in to tell the three that it's time to film. He finds Emily shrieking, giggles bubbling out of her as she writhes against Black Widow's tickling and wings marshmallows back at Maggot, laughing much too hard to aim with any real accuracy. She's hopped up on sugar, hyperactive, and can't keep a straight face for more than a few seconds, let alone squeeze out a single tear. Needless to say, they don't end up filming 'A Tear to Shed' that day.


End file.
